Dear Tony,

It is coming up to Bah! Humbug! time of the year again, and I for one, do not want to be anywhere around my family, or extended family – for Christmas, or for New Year.
I fanaticise that if I had a thrillion pounds, I would spend it on a winter holiday. I would go to Andorra where the skiing is quite good at this time of year (I believe) or else I would get on board one of those luxury cruises to South Africa. Anything, to take my mind off having to eat another turkey dinner, and listen to my cousin Bernie talk about her latest hair colourant, or the price of nail varnish.
Maybe I seem extreme, but I do have a problem communicating with my family at the best of times, and now, with Christmas almost here, I am panicking at the thoughts of making chit-chat and so on.
Don’t get me wrong – they are all perfectly ok people, but when they start drinking – the arguments begin and then it’s time to duck and dive.
Helpless in Howth.

 
Dear Helpless In Howth,
All is not lost. I know, the Festive Season is not always fun and games and musical chairs for everyone, but we can at least expect to have to break into a half smile now and again, even if it is to wow over your cousin’s fascinating facts.
You sound like a person with quite an imagination, and perhaps you should start whiling the time away, writing all these tales down into some sort of journal. If nothing else it could keep you from screaming out loud at the top of your voice. But on a more practical level, you could get a lot of clarity of thought from it.
About the drinking – mature people can become really silly at Christmas. That may be all well and good, but when it starts to get nasty, like insults flying, punches being thrown and people getting hurt, then it’s time to make a hasty retreat.
Never put yourself in a position where you feel your safety is in danger. And if you have worries about this, contact someone you trust – no matter how silly you might think things are at the time.
Hope that helps.
Tony.

Dear Tony,

Help! What do you get the girlfriend who has everything? Apart from me! More importantly, what do women want? I am wrecking my brains thinking of a suitable gift for Christmas, but everything she sees in the shops, is way too expensive, and out of my price-range. Any ideas?
Confused.

 

Dear Confused,
OK - from October onwards we have been bombarded by ads telling us to get this and that. My favourite at the moment is the portable net and phone device, although I am not up with technology and can’t even remember it’s name!
But I do know that if you fork out for a very expensive gift, then you are putting a lot of pressure on your girlfriend to go out and buy you something even more wonderful. Guilt is a terrible thing – been there, bought the t-shirt (and she didn’t like it and returned it the next day for something else).
So, to be on the safe side, think it through first of all. What can you afford? Pick a price and stick to it. Then go looking for the gift. Another helpful hint – pick something that you feel has some meaning for you both (cuddly toy etc..) then wrap it up in shiny paper, and after you present her with this gift, possibly in front of the glowing lights of the Christmas tree – then whatever you do, don’t tell her the price, and don’t go into terrific comic detail about how you spent half your Saturday scouring around the streets looking for it.
Once the gift says that you love her, and that you know she is special – then it will be heartfelt, and sincere. Good luck.
Tony.

Dear Tony,

I am fascinated by The X Factor, and I’m hooked into it every Saturday night. I think I have a great voice and would love to be a celebrity. But no one in my family shows me any encouragement, and at times I feel stupid for thinking I can sing well. Maybe it is stupid to want to be famous. What do you think?
Not happy.

 

Dear Not Happy,
There is nothing stupid about anything in life. Realise that for a start. You seem like a caring person, who puts the opinions of others before her own. In a situation like this, I’d say, be honest with yourself from the beginning – can you really sing? If you can, and you have this on very good authority from your friends, not just yourself – then I would say, go for it.
Choose a path in life that will help you to achieve your goals. Study hard, get your exams – maybe include a music degree and audition for all the talent agencies you can. If nothing comes of it, then so what, at least you have gone for your goal, and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. That means, you have grown – you have evolved. Remember though, that dreams need sure foundations to rise. In time I am sure your family will come around to your way of thinking.
Tony.